Wide Open

Photo Credit:  Diamondheart Photography

I’ve been misunderstood before. We all have. It stinks! It burns!

Relationships...friendships...
​
Honestly?

They scare me as much as they thrill me.

Most people probably don’t view me that way...and I honestly don’t truly view myself that way...but when I really get down to it, and actually acknowledge the crazy feelings I go through...and as often as I actually confront them...it’s true. :(

Yes, it’s true I am happy and thriving amongst wonderful friendships and acquaintances. 

Yes, it’s true I never seem lonely.

Yes, I have a pretty active life.

Yes, it’s super joyful! (Thank God, because He’s good like that! I am so not watering down His goodness!!!)

Yes, I smile a lot (do we need to go back to those posts that pointed out when I don’t smile I look like a ticked off assassin? AND, yes, I truly am happy a lot because there is a lot to smile about. Again, thank you, GOD! Seriously, without God, life REALLY STINKS.)

Yes, I truly do have a wonderful and blessed life full of support!!

But…

...YES, I ALSO have struggles because I am human...it’s the world we live in...and battles are real. My feelings are REAL. More real than I really want to admit. :'(
Why do relationships scare me?

Because EVERY RELATIONSHIP is another possibility that I love them so much more deeply than they might love me and to me that is the loneliest feeling in the world. (Maybe not to you...but to ME it is). 

Honestly? My love for God and His love for me swells me with an unexplainable love for people, a desire to see them thrive, and for us to be connected in championing each other on in who He’s created us all to be in our unique, individual ways!

I’ve been misunderstood that people said I surround myself with people so I am not lonely (even if so...is that really a bad thing…? LOL -- what kind of thing is that to judge someone on?) -- I’ve been misunderstood that I did so to feel important (no way, I just think that people are important and valuable, I love them, and relationships are awesome and kind of a charge given by God...so…?) Because of inaccurate judgments that didn’t come from the “world”, but actually the “church world”, relationships scare me sometimes! (Don’t leave church just because of some of the craziest, unfair hurts! It may seem I am there because it’s all butterflies and rainbows for me...I am there because I love the One who created butterflies and rainbows, and I know He is faithful; it’s “Him and ME”...not “me and circumstances”).

So, where did Stirring Embers come from?

My website says, “When hot coals are stirred up and cozied together they have the ability to give off wonderful warmth. They also carry the ability to re-ignite the once blazing flame! We women have walked through "fires" in life, and through it, we also acquire a flame of purpose. When we come together, we enable each other to give off a loving warmth and ensure our ability to "carry our flame"! One ember by itself quickly becomes a deadened coal...but when you stir the embers together they easily carry the heat and gain the ability to create a strong blaze.”

But, the most transparent, raw origin?

It came from the deadest, coldest part of myself being breathed back into life by God and His burning love for me and for YOU.

For those closest to me, and those who hate and judge me most…

For those who flicker, and for those blaze…

For those who have hurt me and I’ve forgiven, and those who were selfless…

For those who have had shifting loyalties, and those who always have my back...

...I know God is working in you just as He is working in me too...and because of His enabling love…

I love you, forEMBER.™ 

~ Robyn